I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
