New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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