I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
