Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
