He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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