The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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