How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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