i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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