census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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