Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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