I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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