I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize