Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
