No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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