The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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