remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize