Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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