my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
