I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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