i barfeds in our rink
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
