I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I looked at my own cervix.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
