Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have demons in me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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