Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
