i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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