I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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