Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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