This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
