Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
