just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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