6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
