I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
