Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
