Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
