No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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