if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
