just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
