I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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