i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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