i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
