it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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