I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck appropriateness.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
