I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
