Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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