I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
