i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize