Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
