sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
