Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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