Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
