Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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