the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
