Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
