Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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