I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
