Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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