i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
