My underwear smells like fireworks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
