I showed him my bush... on skype.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
