my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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