FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
