you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
