Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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