just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
