Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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