there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
