yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
