These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
