He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would ride that face into the sunset
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
