just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
