i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
