hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
