I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
