Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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