he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
