I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
