You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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