I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
