i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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