marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you win again, gameday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
