I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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